The popular Facebook game Farmville was roiled by scandal this weekend as undercover federal officers rounded up thousands of undocumented migrant workers and held them in INS detention centers. Rebecca, a farm-owner who would give only her first name to The Banian, admitted that the bountiful crop of organic squash she claimed as her own was raised by her Facebook friend Manuel, who was paid sub minimum wage and housed in a canvas tent with no running water. When questioned about the ethics of her actions, she would only say that the practice was ubiquitous and “all her friends did it, and it was the only way to get any attention on Facebook”. As of this writing, her news feed had been taken offline by Facebook.
Worse was to follow when Farmville player Ajay revealed that his award-winning 36 inch sunflowers were grown from a batch of Monsanto GM seeds. A Monsanto spokesman wearing a double breasted jacket with a suspicious bulge at the shoulder stood by watchfully as Ajay vehemently denied stumbling across five-legged frogs and bee hives decimated by colony collapse disorder on his farm. At least a dozen NGOs are planning to target Farmville with protests this weekend.
When it rains, it pours. In what could be the final nail in Farmville’s coffin, it was revealed that champion organic milk cow Daisy, the recipient of numerous Farmville awards and responsible for over 2.7 million wall posts, was stuffed to the gills with antibiotics and the bovine growth hormone rGBH. Daisy and the rest of her herd were immediately stripped of their USDA Organic certification, and the Facebook game Whole Foods, which sources its dairy products exclusively from Farmville, has been thrown in turmoil.
Stay tuned as The Banian investigates new rumors emerging from Farmville, including reports of factory chicken farms and groundwater pollution from hog farming operations…
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