“It apparently started when Malia was sewing a handkerchief for her doll and her thimble rolled under the presidential desk” he continued, “The President crawled under to retrieve it and discovered a secret panel which opened to reveal a staircase descending into a secret catacomb under the White House.”
“The discoveries prove beyond doubt that the founding fathers and modern day leaders of our country have been guarding a profound secret, a powerful word known as the Last Syllable whose revelation holds the key our nation’s future” said Brown, adding "They are initiates into the ancient mysteries and occult religions of Egypt and Asia, as you will see."
He then read out the first set of quatrains:
A Starr darkens the new millennium’s dawn
The master lies with his padwan
In the corridors of the White House they congress
He will be incriminated by a Blue Dress
In vain the jury tries to learn
What transpired between king and intern
Tripped up by a Linda, he doth hiss
“It depends on what the meaning of is is”
“The last line obviously refers to a secret word of great mystic power” Brown commented, “The man who uttered it was obviously an Occult Master, who could veil the simplest of truths in a shroud of mystery.”
Brown paused to reveal that the Obamas were initially concerned that certain secrets hidden in the quatrains were of such a sensitive nature that they were a national security issue. “There are some things you don’t want the world to know” said Brown sagely.
“However, they decided to go public with the material after negotiating a share in the royalties from the book. Michelle Obama plans to use the proceeds to exorcise the vice president’s office in the White House. Joe Biden has been complaining that he hears the rattling of chains and eerie moans and groans at night-time, including a ghostly voice repeating the words Boo – Ghraib, Boo – Ghraib over and over”.
He proceeded to read out the second set of quatrains:
The idiot prince rules not once but twice
The country will rue his pick for vice
Far preferable is Nearly Headless Nick
Instead he stumps for Really Heartless Dick
The people ask if he has a plan
To win the war in Afghanistan
Quoth he: The only way the war can be won
Is to leave before the job is done
Brown shook his head in amazement “This man was a master exponent of Stupid Zen – the last line sounds nonsensical, but if you catch the hidden meaning, he meant leave office, not Afghanistan.” He added as an after-thought “I thought Nostradamus’ Harry Potter allusion was rather clever…”
It was obvious that Brown had saved the most sensational revelations for the last. “Nostradamus knew what the secret word, the Last Syllable, was” said Brown, “but he chose to hide it from future generations until the moment of revelation, and I think we are very close to time when our leaders will reveal the secret to the uninitiated masses.” His eyes glinting, he read out the last set:
He drops the ball on global warming
Yet his subjects do not find it alarming
They care naught for his universal healthcare
Rather, they would embrace the present nightmare
He continues to dole out riches to the lords
Whilst the masses are absorbed with their eye pods
The country turns for answers to this man, Bar’akh
To which he utters the Last Syllable “We’re f……!!!”
