Members of the Bengal Association of Southern California demonstrated outside the Customs office today after reading a press report about US Customs seizing a ship full of bongs in Los Angeles. When The Banian approached US Customs official Herb Roller for comment, he dismissed the report as utter poppycock “It was a shipment of bongs, pipes and other drug paraphernalia from China” he said, inhaling deeply “We take a hit every time there’s this sort of confusion”.
Soma Chatterjee of the Bengal Association was not buying it “There are no bongs in China” he puffed, “with the possible exception of Netaji." He added "I don't blame these immigrants, the grass is greener on the other side. Calcutta has gone to pot, you know.”
Half-way across the world, the Indian press reported some rioting. “US Consulate stoned” blared the Calcutta Telegraph, while the Times of India urged people “to take the high road”. CM Buddhadeb Bhattacharya urged the creation of a joint commission to investigate systematic discrimination against Bengalis in the US. “I remember when that Michael Phelps fellow was photographed with a bong, they arrested him and confiscated the bong” he said, adding “Look, I’m really holding it in”.
US Consul General in Calcutta Bud Lytte made a further hash of matters “Look, I’ll give you the straight dope” he said, “If they’ve broken the law, these bongs will receive their just desserts” he said. Upon which Buddhadeb appeared somewhat mollified “Dessert will comfort the detainees, we BengaIis do have a sweet tooth. I’ve asked Mr. Bud to arrange for rasgulla and mishti doi if possible…”
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Salman Rushdie to promote new novel in Afghanistan...
Never one to be cowed down, Indian author Salman Rushdie arrived in Kabul today to promote his new novel The Satanic Verses, Part Deux – The Mullah Omar Chronicles. Rushdie downplayed any resemblance between the main character of his book, a villainous, one-eyed mullah called Omar, and the one-eyed Taliban leader, Mullah Omar. “Omar is a common name” said the author, though he admitted having upped his anti-fatwa insurance coverage recently. Rushdie will conduct book readings at select chai stalls in Afghanistan and neighboring Waziristan, including the folkloric Kabul bookstore aptly named The Sword is Mightier than the Pen, where Mahmud of Ghazni is supposed to have honed his talents.
Ex-wife Padma Lakshmi is accompanying Rushdie to promote her provocative new series of cookbooks titled Taliban Cuisine: In The Raw, in which she juxtaposes her culinary and modeling talents by posing au naturelle with a variety of nans. “I have long been fascinated by the contradiction inherent in dressing and undressing at the same time” Lakshmi is quoted as having said. Recipes covered in the book will range from the popular Nan and Butter Nan to Taliban specialties like Rancid Nan and Nan Peppered with Shrapnel, the whimsical Nan Tucket, a nod to Massachussetts where Lakshmi went to college, and the unique Nan Oruvilayatupillai, which was handed down to Lakshmi by her grandmother.
When approached for comment by The Banian, a Taliban spokesman who identified himself only as Pete – a name he picked up working at a 7-Eleven in Texas - said that Mullah Omar was keeping one eye (surprise) on developments and that a complaint, along with the customary IED, had been lodged at the Indian Embassy in Kabul.
Pete was quick to clarify that it was Rushdie who was the target of Mullah Omar’s ire. He emphasized that Padma Lakshmi’s book was a big hit in Afghanistan. “We love our recipes, especially when they are so saucy [sic]” he said. When asked if he liked the Ice Cream section, Pete looked confused for a few seconds. “Ice Cream?” and then his eyes lit up “Yes, Ice Cream very much when I flogged, every Monday…”
Ex-wife Padma Lakshmi is accompanying Rushdie to promote her provocative new series of cookbooks titled Taliban Cuisine: In The Raw, in which she juxtaposes her culinary and modeling talents by posing au naturelle with a variety of nans. “I have long been fascinated by the contradiction inherent in dressing and undressing at the same time” Lakshmi is quoted as having said. Recipes covered in the book will range from the popular Nan and Butter Nan to Taliban specialties like Rancid Nan and Nan Peppered with Shrapnel, the whimsical Nan Tucket, a nod to Massachussetts where Lakshmi went to college, and the unique Nan Oruvilayatupillai, which was handed down to Lakshmi by her grandmother.
When approached for comment by The Banian, a Taliban spokesman who identified himself only as Pete – a name he picked up working at a 7-Eleven in Texas - said that Mullah Omar was keeping one eye (surprise) on developments and that a complaint, along with the customary IED, had been lodged at the Indian Embassy in Kabul.
Pete was quick to clarify that it was Rushdie who was the target of Mullah Omar’s ire. He emphasized that Padma Lakshmi’s book was a big hit in Afghanistan. “We love our recipes, especially when they are so saucy [sic]” he said. When asked if he liked the Ice Cream section, Pete looked confused for a few seconds. “Ice Cream?” and then his eyes lit up “Yes, Ice Cream very much when I flogged, every Monday…”
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